I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
