some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
