She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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