Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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