so explain again why im purple
no
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am available for nakedness
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
