I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
