Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
