Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
