I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
two words: eviction party
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
