she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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