whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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