ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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