May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
