dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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