So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i have herpe
just one?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
