This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
