So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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