guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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