Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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