one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
