I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
