Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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