Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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