just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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