Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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