New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So. Much. Porn.
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