this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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