just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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