Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
