hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize