i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
