I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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