Betty ford says i'm here all night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
