When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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