I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
