The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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