I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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