I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
