there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
