I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
