When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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