Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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