You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
