i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
