There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
