i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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