yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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