I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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