Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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