so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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