If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
COCAINE IS GR8
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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