His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
