my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
