he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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