dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
