ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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