wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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