I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This house was built for laser tag.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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