Kiss
Puke
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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