I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
