Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
