I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
