I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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