Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
