Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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