i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize