Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
