Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
