Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
