Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
