Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
