hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize